Mrs Norman Knows

Mrs Norman's Guide to Housekeeping and Etiquette

  • Wick My Sweat

    • 22 Mar 2012
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    • Aaron Tyler Fitness Regent's Park Running Running Clubs Sweat
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    Media_httpwwwflashcoo_blddz

    As you may already know, last night saw me try something for the very first time: a running club.

    In the hours beforehand, as my colleagues can attest, I was ashen with a sense of foreboding I could not shift. Memories of long-gone PE lessons and gargantuan teachers brandishing all manner of equipment while barking directions to run faster and GET YOUR KNEES UP! flooded back to me. What on Earth had I wilfully signed myself up for?

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    I made my escape from the office and changed into my brand new, sweat wicking top and (till now) indoor-only trainers. The ensemble was well matched and theoretically aesthetically pleasing, yet its execution really was a little too… revealing. Naturally, once the transformation into budding runner was complete, I promptly covered myself up with a coat. Unfortunately, I couldn’t stay that way forever.

    Off I jogged to Regent’s Park (incidentally, what a beautiful location!), unsure of where I was going and how long it would take but acutely aware that I would already have a black mark against my name as I was ever-so-slightly late for the 18.50 – prompt - start. Once I realised that others were still arriving, and that a couple of others looking as worried as I felt, my tension eased a little – but a glance at my heart rate monitor revealed that yes, I was still anxious. Either that or hanging about standing still makes my heart rate shoot up.

    Out of nowhere, my hand was suddenly taken by one of the trainers who welcomed me - much more warmly than any PE teacher ever has. I signed myself in and steeled myself for the dramatic coat-reveal as I looked around the group. Yes, I was larger than the average. Yes, there were lots of people chatting away to each other like old friends, apparently relishing the thought of running. Yes, their svelte bodies really hit those aesthetic peaks my outfit aimed but failed to reach.

    After a brief intro and splitting off into three groups, we focused on the warm up – some gentle (!) jogging followed by dynamic stretches that The Ministry of Silly Walks would have been proud of (and weirdly quite good fun). After this came the fitness test which was not, as I’d feared, a beep test, but a 2.5-and-a-bit km run. Or jog. Or walk.

    What?! I could WALK this thing if I want to? Blimey.

    I admit now that, despite starting at the front of the group, I rolled up finishing much nearer the back of it. A competitive spirit is nothing against physical reality but i) I didn’t finish last and ii) I didn’t really walk any of it. My pace was just a lot slower than those who have obviously been running much more regularly (i.e. more than never) and so I have a lot further to go (metaphorically - I’m pretty sure they’re training to run much further than me this time). No big deal: I knew this was going to be the situation when I signed up.

    Now comfortably settled into the beginners group, I am actually really looking forward to next week. Apparently it’ll follow the same pattern as this week, just without the same sense of dread. I'm sure I'll keep you posted on the progress and revelations, like sweat wicking fabric - what a find!

     

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  • Traumfrau

    • 6 Mar 2012
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    • Brighton Graphic Design Queer Traumfrau
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    My dear friends Roni and Giorgia are setting up a new club night in Brighton and asked me for some help with posters and such, so here for your pleasure are (some of) the fruits of my labour.

    I hope people will want to pick this up and go along, looks like it will be a fun night with i AM AMiTY, photo booths and all sorts of fun.

    For more details and pictures, check out www.facebook.com/traumfraubrighton

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  • I'd rather watch this film

    • 28 Feb 2012
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    • Bel Ami David Bellamy Robert Pattinson
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    The new Robert Pattinson film is being advertised all over the Tube at the moment. Every time I walk past one of the posters, this is what pops into my head and makes me smile.

    David_bel_ami

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  • Why haven't I seen this before?

    • 13 Oct 2011
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  • Today I am obsessed with this

    • 30 Sep 2011
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  • Not long..

    • 22 Jul 2011
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    ..before I'm Martin Parr*

    Martin_parr

    *lies

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  • I'm Comic Sans, Asshole!

    • 19 Jul 2011
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    • Comic Sans DesignTAXI Joe Hollier McSweeny's Mike Lacher Swiss-Miss Typography
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    Sheer brilliance: designer Joe Hollier has animated an edited version of Mike Lacher's McSweeney’s article.

    I love it, I love it all.

    via Swiss-Miss and DesignTAXI
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  • Girls Like You

    • 20 May 2011
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    Run, whirlwind run
    Further and further away
    Into the sun
    In twenty minutes
    Everyone will remember you when you’re gone
    And your heart is a stone
    Buried underneath your (pretty) clothes
    Don’t you know people write songs about girls like you?

    What will you do when something stops you?
    What will you say to the world?
    What will you be when it all comes crashing
    Down on you little girl?
    What would you do if you lost your beauty?
    How would you deal with the light?
    How would you feel if nobody chased you?
    What if it happened tonight?

    How would you cope it the world decided to
    Make you suffer for all that you were?
    How could you dance if no-one was watching
    And you couldn’t even care if they were?
    What would you do if you couldn’t even feel?
    Not even pitiful pain
    How would you deal if the indecisions
    Eating away at the days?

    Don’t you know people write songs about girls like you?
    About girls like you
    About girl like you
    Don’t you know people write songs about girls like you?
    About girls like you
    About girl like you

    Everything you say is higher
    All the things that make you lighter
    Everything you say is higher
    See it in the grey you crier

    Don’t you know people write songs about girls like you?
    About girls like you
    About girl like you
    Everything you say is higher
    All the things that make you lighter
    Everything you say is higher
    See it in the grey you crier

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  • Over-Identify (With Me)

    • 8 Apr 2011
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    • Annie Fisher Price Ghetto Blasters Spotify
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    Through the masquerade
    You led me by the hand
    Whispered the words
    "This is forever"
    Said from the a silver tongue
    That's where it started from

    Spotify is amazing, isn't it? And undoubtedly the best part is being able to share tracks with your friends (or enemies? After all, I don't know who's on your Facebook friends list).

    The lack of a 'sent' folder is a well-vocalised gripe amongst users and I'm sure Spotify will rectify this soon enough, but I just can't shake the feeling that this sharing tracks willy-nilly conceals a more worrying issue - and which has nothing to do with the Spotify business model/royalties discussion; that's been covered elsewhere many times. No, I'm getting back to basics, to the very essence of emotion conveyed by music.

    Believe me, I'm sorely tempted to rattle out an essay on emotion and music akin to the ones I wrote at university, but instead I'll just say that there are a few notable academic pieces on said subject, should you be interested - for instance, Derek Matravers' 'The Experience of Emotion in Music' (The Journal of Aesthetics and Art Criticism, 2003). If you're after long words and complex sentences, go there. In the meantime I'll carry on with this subjective posturing.

    Let me start by asking you a question: Do you like any music? <your positive answer here> Oh you do? That's good! Why d'you like it? <your explanation answer here> Oh I see! You like music because it [delete as appropriate] makes you feel good / gets your toes tapping /  indulges your mood / cheers you up / makes sense of the drugs / really *connects* with your soul / other

    I thought as much. You're just like me.

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    My day goes much more brightly when I have music to listen to and - most times - it's an excellent decision. If I've been made angry by irresponsible Government plans to raise revenue by selling off 99% (exaggeration - just) of England's woodland then a spot of Daft Punk on the train back to London really does the trick to put a smile on my face and a spring in my step. The danger only comes when the emotion is rooted more personally, when it turns out 18 year-old Scandinavian pop stars can sometimes express my feelings better than I can (sort of).


    In the olden days, if you wanted to impress someone who was on your mind you'd make them a mixtape, recording songs off the radio or copying them over from well-worn albums - the pleasure was all in the making, despite the lossy format.

    I received my last mixtape in 2005, not really that long ago in the digital scheme of things. It came wrapped in a piece of silver fabric tied up with black ribbon and included early Knife tracks as well as an utterly romantic (..) ditty from this bunch. I didn't like all the tracks and it was a major pain having to hijack old car stereos to listen to the thing, but that wasn't the point. It had been put together with care and thought, had taken time and effort. It had also required an envelope and a couple of stamps (plus an airmail sticker) to get it to me. And more than that: every song meant something.

    I don't need to rewrite High Fidelity here - go and read it for yourself if you're not so lazy that you'll only watch the film - but I do wonder: what would Rob make of all this immediate music sharing and what does it mean for the art of the mixtape?

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    Perhaps I'm just an old soul, but even in this age of immediate sharing, I tend to view this as a more fluid mixtape, ebbing and flowing with emotion and excitement as whimsy directs. If I send you something, no doubt there's a message to be eeked out - though eeking suggests rather more subtlety than there usually is - and that the choice has been considered. However, this is the worrying part: I may have only considered it for a few moment before I sent it. And you know what? You might have only spent a few seconds deciding to send me something back, too.

    This is where the danger lies.

    The thing is, if you send me something, I am going to read into it. In the same way that if I send you a song by Billy Joel - because I remembered it was the first concert you went to - if you send me something by the Beach Boys, I'm going to think it's because you're trying to convey the sentiment of the song to me and not because you've just seen the cast of Glee do their own version.

    But who's to say that it can't be both? Perhaps I have just seen the cast of Glee sing a particularly stirring version of P. Y. T. and maybe I do think of you and want to let you know that you popped into my head. But quick as it's sent, the moment (and thought) is gone. At least with a mixtape you had something concrete, some evidence of the person's intentions - and it was probably unique. What sloppy mixtape craft it would be to send the same one to many people, in the same way that trotting out your tried-and-tested moves really doesn't win you any points in the long run?

    Ah, Spotify. You offer me the means to express my love / vent my anger / share my dancing mood at the drop of a hat, or, more accurately, the click of a mouse. But do I really want this?

    I suppose the future lies with playlists - considered playlists based on notes I've written in the back of my diary, left on post-it notes and sent to myself via sms in this country and others, collected over days, weeks, months. And then, only then, when it's finally been composed and succinctly expresses the entire gamut of things I want to say, will I definitely not send it.

    Why? Because Plato would be proud.

    ...

    However, let's not be hasty here. I know I'll keep dropping them into your inbox. After all, the urge to dance surpasses all others.

    I have a final question for you:

    Shall we just dance?



    Sorry, Plato...


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  • God Will See You Now

    • 6 Apr 2011
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    • Desk Signs Dorothy God Satan Schizophrenic Boss
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    Media_httpwwwwearedor_euufj

    For a clear indication of what mood your minions will find you in, these desk plaques are de rigeur for every God-complex boss.

    I know exactly who I'd buy these for.

    Available from Manchester-based collective Dorothy who have so much more you should check out.

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  • About

    Too busy to keep the rhythm up, but working on improving my technique.
    Try to contribute, not just consume. I mostly enjoy things that look good and work well.
    I really like adverts. And logos. And dancing. A lot. I only wish I looked better in lyra.

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